I’m in peace with the fact I did or may do sex work in the future.
I ‘admit’ I never felt guilty about it.
The reason why I’m leaving sex work is that I don’t need it any longer.
Money was a desire.
Sex was a desire, nothing more.
Having said that; I’m not becoming a ‘better’ person’ or a ‘good person’.
It’s just I don’t need sex work anymore.
But demeaning sex workers…that I will never do.
They are all living creatures. Wonderful different living humans.
We’re all different, but we all want the same: Finding Happiness.
What happiness is and what the best path towards happiness is, is highly debatable.
So..trying to ‘save’ people who have consciously chosen sex work as their path of happiness is a silly and demaening thing to do.
I even dare to say it’s an insult towards other human beings’ intelligence.
Not too long ago I had contact with very professional high class escort agency.
I was so happy to be one of ‘the chosen ones’.
Especially because they selected their escort models differently. You didn’t have to be exceptionally beautiful (according to society’s standards) but you had to have a certain ‘presence’ and certainly, to be committed.
Month of month I’ve been an expert in deluding myself into thinking I really wanted this and that I was truly ‘fit’ for the job.
But the more I looked forward, the more I hesitated.
Why did I cause suffering to myself in such way…? Not because it’s sex work, but because I felt I was lying constantly. Big lies I can tell myself, I realize now. But my inner self has always known it’s a LIE. Is it so for all sex workers? Definitely not.
There are woman who are committed and devoted to their job. They commit themselves, no matter what society is telling, acting and thinking. This demands enormous psycological strenght. And for that reason, I greatly admire them.
So this evening I sent my manager an e-mail trying to explain my decision.
Of course he will not react in an understanding way. The agency works extremely professional, and having signed a contract already will maybe have some very negative consequences towards me. Yes, it will be a negative consequence.
But experiencing a negative consequence because of breach of contract will cause less damage than setting myself up for a life that is negative consequence as a whole.
If you find my post boring, so be it. But it would be wonderful if you would take the effort to listen to this video: