In peace with sex work.

I’m in peace with the fact I did or may do sex work in the future.

I ‘admit’ I never felt guilty about it.

The reason why I’m leaving sex work is that I don’t need it any longer.
Money was a desire.
Sex was a desire, nothing more.
Having said that; I’m not becoming a ‘better’ person’ or a ‘good person’.
It’s just I don’t need sex work anymore.
But demeaning sex workers…that I will never do.
They are all living creatures. Wonderful different living humans.
We’re all different, but we all want the same: Finding Happiness.
What happiness is and what the best path towards happiness is, is highly debatable.
So..trying to ‘save’ people who have consciously chosen sex work as their path of happiness is a silly and demaening thing to do.
I even dare to say it’s an insult towards other human beings’ intelligence.

Not too long ago I had contact with very professional high class escort agency.
I was so happy to be one of ‘the chosen ones’.
Especially because they selected their escort models differently. You didn’t have to be exceptionally beautiful (according to society’s standards) but you had to have a certain ‘presence’ and certainly, to be committed.
Month of month I’ve been an expert in deluding myself into thinking I really wanted this and that I was truly ‘fit’ for the job.
But the more I looked forward, the more I hesitated.
Why did I cause suffering to myself in such way…? Not because it’s sex work, but because I felt I was lying constantly. Big lies I can tell myself, I realize now. But my inner self has always known it’s a LIE. Is it so for all sex workers? Definitely not.
There are woman who are committed and devoted to their job. They commit themselves, no matter what society is telling, acting and thinking. This demands enormous psycological strenght. And for that reason, I greatly admire them.
So this evening I sent my manager an e-mail trying to explain my decision.
Of course he will not react in an understanding way. The agency works extremely professional, and having signed a contract already will maybe have some very negative consequences towards me. Yes, it will be a negative consequence.
But experiencing a negative consequence because of breach of contract will cause less damage than setting myself up for a life that is negative consequence as a whole.

If you find my post boring, so be it. But it would be wonderful if you would take the effort to listen to this video:

Sadhguru – Isha Foundation- Sex, sexuality and Divine

Life beyond the Intellect.

Life…The source of everything. 
We don’t live a life. We Are Life. 
Our Life is the Source,
Our thoughts, emotions and behavior are the outcome. 
Like water, they create, shape and destroy.

For a very long time I thought Life was the Water.
Thoughts, emotions, behaviour…
Not realizing they are the outcomes of the Source.
And Means to find back the Source.
If one is willing. 

The water is unpredictable.
I thought life was the water.
As I let myself being carried by the water,
I felt hopeless when I couldn’t swim,
Not realizing Life is the Source,
Undisturbed by any influence of the Water.

The water is there, 
The source is peaceful. 

There is no water without The Source.
The Source can exist without the water.
Water cannot exist without the Source.
The Source is not disturbed by it.
It exists. As Life exists.
I am a piece of Life.
Therefor I know the greatest Peace is the Source,
not the Water. 

Water is an Outcome.
A means to recognize Life, to trace it back.
When we’re willing to trace back.
We will find the Source of Peace. 

I wrote this text while being on a spiritual journey.
And I still am.
I am a Seeker. People Are Seekers.
I only wished that people would recognize that they are…
One of the people that lightened the Spark is Indian Mystic and Yogi Sadhguru.

Yet, there is another situation where I experience Life itself.
Years ago I went to Varanasy.
At one point, very briefly, I felt Life coming together.
I started to cry, feeling humble as I’m only human.
And Powerful as a Piece of Life.

Liberation from Women’s liberation – Sadhguru

As you can read, I’m becoming quite a ‘admirer’ from the mystic and seeker Sadhguru. 
Again, whether he’s right or wrong…I can follow many of his ways of thinking. 
As I cannot read or deliver content as wisely as he does, here is another valuable piece of wisdom.


“Right now, a woman is trying to fit into the man’s world. She should not fit into a man’s world. Half the world should anyway be hers.

The so-called women’s liberation is more against the feminine nature than anything. It is a desperate attempt, because when you try to become like a man, when you try to do things like him, somewhere you are admitting that masculine is superior to feminine. This whole idea of what is superior and what is inferior is a very masculine idea. If you look at life, everything has a role to play. Because you have made one aspect of life too important, it looks like one kind of people are more important than the other kind.

I have heard some very strong feminine liberation forces. They are definitely not talking like feminine, they are more masculine than men.

They are hard and straight – that is not feminine nature. Even a man is willing to be a little loose, but these women are not willing to relax themselves for a moment. They are just on like that. I think this has happened in reaction to a certain exploitative situation in the world. They are in a state of reaction to something that they consider as injustice.

I am not saying there has been no injustice. There has been too much injustice to the women on the planet, on all levels.

In search of Justice

They are in reaction to that, but whenever you start a movement in reaction to something or somebody else, if you react to one injustice, you will only cause another injustice. You cannot set it right that way. If you want true justice, you must leave the nonsense that has happened till now and look at life fresh. What would make us a balanced society? We are always reacting to the past. In that reaction, we will only cause another kind of imbalance. Shifting from one kind of injustice to another kind of injustice is not a solution.

A woman has been put down in many ways for a long time, so now let us put the man down – that is not a solution. That is not going to be towards human wellbeing.

Within a certain family, suppose you treat your wife like a maid servant. Your misfortune is you have to live with a maid servant which we don’t want. If the situation is reversed in search of justice, then you will end up with a wimp of a man which we don’t want either.

All kinds of things have happened in the past. Reacting to that is not the solution. Which way would a woman really be happy in society? We have to look at that without taking what happened yesterday as the basis of what we want to happen tomorrow. The way tomorrow should be, should be different. It should not be in reaction to yesterday. If it happens in reaction, at the most you may reverse the situation, but once again you will suffer because the same things will happen in a different way.”

The feminine Presence – Sadhguru

Dear readers,

I’m ready to look for metaphysical reality that’s beyond the mind and the physical. 
We should not always believe what people say, yet Indian Yogi, mystic and humanist Sadhguru has wise words to say about spirituality and the feminine. 


“I think a lot of women are going through this and some of them are trying to find a balance between the two. The conflict is not happening because they are pursuing a career, but because the survival process has become the ideal. This is fundamentally a wrong way to structure a society. If aesthetics, love, music, dance, art and craft were as important as money, business and the stock market, you would see that the feminine would naturally play a significant role in the world.

Unfortunately, today there is very little role for the feminine. Even if a woman comes out of the house, she has to act like a man and only then she is successful. If she acts like a woman, she is considered weak. We need to see that feminine is not weak; it is just fulfilling a different aspect of life. Without that aspect, life is not complete. The day feminine is completely banished from this planet, life will not seem worth living anymore in spite of every convenience. Without the ambience of the feminine, masculine will feel meaningless.

Right now, a woman is trying to fit into the man’s world; this is not a good thing. She should not fit into a man’s world. Half the world should anyway be hers. Rather than trying to create a man’s world and fit a woman into it, which would twist her out of shape, it is best that we understand what is needed – a society where both masculine and feminine have equal roles to play.”

I profoundly enjoyed this lovely writings.

You can find the original context on:

The Feminine Present: Part II


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Year after year I’ve fed myself with the notion that money is the utmost imortant aspect in life.
Even more so, I unconsciously convinced myself that money was the way to hapiness.
It is, indeed, the way to an acceptable life. And let’s be honest.
Having a shortage of money will make you unhappy, as society doesn’t tolerate people who cannot cope on their own, financially.
One thing I’ve learned during my years as a sex worker can be summed up in the above mentioned quote: ‘There are people so poor that the only thing they have is money.’
That’s exactly what I’ve felt so many times. Emptiness, depression, soulless emptiness,
dehumanization towards other people. 

Thankfully I learned that there was another, spiritual world that could lead me towards more hapiness.
I call it ‘The world of the Souls.’ It’s not a religion or an established belief system.
But it’s my own belief. A ‘Something-ism’. As a former atheist, I vehemently rejected all things ‘non-scientific’. However, little beauty can be seen if we only see material ‘things’. Sigh…if everyone could see souls instead of bodies, titles and statuses, this world would be a happier place for all of us.
I learned to see beauty on a more spiritual, metafysical level, also becoming interested in Esoterie, something I was already interested in as a young child, not knowing the exact word for it.

I’m strongly against any form of rigid belief systems, but I honestly ‘believe’ that a genuine Belief in a metaphysical world could help lots of people to find beauty where beauty wasn’t seen before.

Lots of Love,



Most men like it,
most men are willing to please their partners that way…and most men (from my experience)…don’t get it.

I don’t want to sound offensive, but mostly fingering was a far from pleasant experience.
Why? Because most men were uncareful and therefore too rude.
Asking if he wanted to shorten his fingernails helped a bit, however, the technique was too often deplorable.

Whether your woman loves it or not is a personal thing, I know.
Yet I want to give you some basic tips:

– most important: Take care of your hands! Cutting the nails and wash your hands… not that difficult.
– Second: Finger her if she’s wet already, not to make her wet. That hurts.
I also advise you to pleasure her with your tongue first.
In my case, fingering was only pleasant when being soaking wet, not just a little.
Add lube your fingers if necessary.
– don’t start with penetrating her too fast, start slowly instead.
Some seem to think a woman’s inside is a brick wall they have to crush with the fingers. Well…not exactly, but you understand me, right? Always be careful.
– adding to the last point: build up speed gradually.
– change the movement, to add variation and to see what she likes: sometimes going up and down, sometimes in and out, sometimes making circles…
– Look at her face, but don’t forget to observe her body: Moans of discomfort can easily be mistaken for moans of pleasure.
Not even the facial expressions are always that clear.
If she is really enjoying your action, she will push her lower body against your hand to feel you deeper and more intense.
BUT…if she doesn’t enjoy it, she will most likely try to avoid your fingers by distancing herself (literally). Oh, and she will probably be trying to push your hand away.
The difference is often very subtle, but real.

A general advice, and certainly a cliché: Get to know each other.
And to the receiving person: Please, let your partner know what you like, or what is painful.

I hope this post will be helpful.