Most men like it,
most men are willing to please their partners that way…and most men (from my experience)…don’t get it.

I don’t want to sound offensive, but mostly fingering was a far from pleasant experience.
Why? Because most men were uncareful and therefore too rude.
Asking if he wanted to shorten his fingernails helped a bit, however, the technique was too often deplorable.

Whether your woman loves it or not is a personal thing, I know.
Yet I want to give you some basic tips:

– most important: Take care of your hands! Cutting the nails and wash your hands… not that difficult.
– Second: Finger her if she’s wet already, not to make her wet. That hurts.
I also advise you to pleasure her with your tongue first.
In my case, fingering was only pleasant when being soaking wet, not just a little.
Add lube your fingers if necessary.
– don’t start with penetrating her too fast, start slowly instead.
Some seem to think a woman’s inside is a brick wall they have to crush with the fingers.¬†Well…not exactly, but you understand me, right? Always be careful.
– adding to the last point: build up speed gradually.
– change the movement, to add variation and to see what she likes: sometimes going up and down, sometimes in and out, sometimes making circles…
– Look at her face, but don’t forget to observe her body: Moans of discomfort can easily be mistaken for moans of pleasure.
Not even the facial expressions are always that clear.
If she is really enjoying your action, she will push her lower body against your hand to feel you deeper and more intense.
BUT…if she doesn’t enjoy it, she will most likely try to avoid your fingers by distancing herself (literally). Oh, and she will probably be trying to push your hand away.
The difference is often very subtle, but real.

A general advice, and certainly a cliché: Get to know each other.
And to the receiving person: Please, let your partner know what you like, or what is painful.

I hope this post will be helpful.

Sex and intimacy

Combining those two factors is still difficult for me I’ve noticed through the years.
Even though having fun, I’ve had a lot of sex without having a deep emotional connection, and I experienced great intimacy without having sex.
But when those two are coming together…?
No, that when you reach my fragility.

I’ve been thinking about this lately, and maybe it has to do with some sort of attachment disorder. It’s almost funny to feel how my mind is precluding this combination.
As I had said in a previous post, I experienced this uneasiness while being touched by A.
Somehow he ‘penetrated’ me, in an emotional way, as a gentle intruder, searching for depths I didn’t even know I had.
There have been moments I suddenly started to cry because the intense stimulation in my soul.
Then he would look at my face and say with countenance: “It’s okay.”
Our meetings had become very intense at last, but somehow…I think it’s good our connection didn’t last.
Every next time we saw each other, our actions would lean more and more against ‘the deed’.
Physically, I experienced great pleasure, but emotionally I was in two minds.
‘I like it.’ but ‘it feels wrong.’
I just know that, even if he didn’t break contact and he didn’t know I’ve been a prostitute, our connection would have become too intense and too difficult.
How should we have behaved after the deed? I don’t know.
And if I would meet him again? I would probably turn my head.
Not because I hate him (I’m over that), but because I wouldn’t know how to react.
Anyway, enough about A.

Recently, I came to know a young guy. He seems to be quite nice.
But I’m still careful, for I’m not used to get know somebody ‘the normal way’.
By ‘the normal way’ I mean: Dating, taking about each other’s life, meeting the parents…
So weird…maybe I’m just not at all attracted to him, but I don’t see him becoming a sexual lover.
Intimacy…yes, caring for each other, yes. Cooking dinner and being a good wife (I know this sounds old-fashioned) But sex…not immediately.

And I’m quite sure this disconnection (or better said: the connection I’ve never learnt to make) is a factor that has played an important role in taking unusual decisions (by which I don’t mean to say it’s the direct cause).
Having erotic and sexual experiences, ‘playing’ with men and to see how far I can get them, prostitution…all without feeling a deep connection.
And most important:
My lack of inner comprehension towards people who can’t separate sex and intimacy.
Yes, I know how strange this sounds towards a lot of readers, but how many times haven’t I caught myself thinking: ‘JC, is it so difficult for you to disconnect those things?’ Yeah, not the most empathic attitude, I know.
Most of the time it happened when I was in company of people who so badly wanted sex yet wanted to wait for their ‘true love’. I just couldn’t commiserate over their feelings.

I sometimes wonder: Was I really ‘damaged’ long ago? Is it bad? Or is it just me?
Had my parents better raised me strict? And would it have helped? Or is there nothing wrong, am I just different in that way?

I wonder… is there someone who has/had the same feelings towards intimacy and sex? you’re free to share it (or not).