Representation of clients

Ugly….
Drunk…
Fat…
The servant of the villain….
(not the villain himself, for he most often considers himself ‘too decent’)
Having no respect for women in general…
Sniffing coke…
Having connections with some criminal organizations…
Gang members, members of the mafia…
Human traffickers…
Rapists….
Wife beaters…
And I don’t doubt that you, my dear readers, can add some other sweet idea’s.

Well, not the most glorifying list of common images we see in the media, isn’t it?
From my point of view, of being an (ex-)sex worker, I’ve elaborately talked about the representation of prostitutes, but not about that from the clients.

I suppose that the way I advertised myself had an effect on which people I attracted.
Most of them were carefully dressed and smelled of a touch of aftershave.
I was happily surprised by my general finding
that none of them were as ‘bad’ as I had imagined before.
Fat, a bit smelly, more on the ugly side, yes, that’s the image I had before.
Talking about appearance only; as far as I can remember, there wasn’t a client I would call downright ‘ugly’.
And smelly? Well, I let them shower in my company, so that wasn’t a problem either.
Ok, most of them weren’t very handsome either, but ugly?
Of course, a man of 50 isn’t that handsome anymore as he was in his 30’s, but hey, one has to take into account the age of the guy.
Some gentlemen have the luck to look charming and ‘distinguished’, even at an advanced age.
This being said, I move over the broader stereotypical ‘concept’ of ‘punter=client’.
The authorities and the media send out this stereotypical image of the ugly and disrespectful client and the prostitute who’s clearly disgusted by him.
Fortunately, I can praise myself happy I never felt disgusted.
But I can understand other sex workers do feel that way.
I’m a bit ‘odd’ when it comes to sex, after all.
But even considering this, I realized that the media sends out an overtly narrow representation of the clients.

I don’t doubt that some men can be real pigs.
It is my believe that as a sex worker, we run a greater risk to meet a disrespectful man and therefore, to be abused, simply because we see a larger number of different men, so that means that there is a real chance, unfortunately.
But then again, people assume that because they hear creepy stories about clients who mistreating prostitutes, all clients ‘will probably be that way.’
I think this an illustration of rather belittling view on clients AND on prostitutes.
From this point of view, it’s easy to understand why people have implemented the idea that prostitutes must be desperate and addicted, because ‘who the hell wants to be abused for money, only the sick, addicted, and desperate I suppose?’
I’m trying to fight against this prejudice, because, who the hell wants to be abused in exchange of money? I never met someone in my whole life who wants to be abused. (Oh, leave out BDSM: good BDSM is not at all about abuse!)
As a sex worker, I permitted my clients to have with me, not to abuse me.
Well, what was allowed and what not, I wrote down very clearly on my website (most men want clearness, so I gave it to them).
In this case I made the distinction between assault and having sex very clear.
So, as long as the particular man doesn’t cross them, why should I think of him as filthy and disrespectful?

Another claim is that prostitution is ‘paid rape’.
This is a very dangerous assumption, because in my eyes,  that means seeing prostitutes as women (or men) who ‘asked for it’, rather than people who provide a service.
And the clients? Well, they are automatically rapists, bad, bad, bad men!
Yes, some men are rapists, just as some other ‘non-clients’.
And as I said at the beginning, we have more ‘chance’ to meet such ill-mannered brutes. 😦
Unfortunately the public opinion isn’t very eager to make the distinction between ‘paid rape’ and ‘paid sex’.
In places where prostitution is illegal, the punter gets arrested for enjoying the service of a sex worker, and therefore ‘raped the prostitute’.
I’m saying this very over-simplified, but I think this is the thought decision-makers and campaigners want to implement in people’s minds.
That prostitution is paid rape, and that therefore, the prostitutes are probably desperate, sick, and addicted women, who even let abuse themselves for the money, while the punters are just as sick and perverted.
And that no ‘sane’ man will ever pay a prostitute.

Again, I can only speak from my personal observation, and except for one guy, there has never been a client who was disrespectful towards me.
Okay, some people keep insisting prostitution is paid rape per definition.
But what is paid rape in my case then? A man caressing my back, observing my body, massaging my feet, making me moan from pleasure?
Sorry, doesn’t feel like rape to me, more like adoration.

Another important possible consequence of criminalizing prositutes and clients is that men who really don’t get their needs satisfied, will look for it at all the wrong places.
I don’t talk about sexual assault immediately, but also about the (rather negative) influence of porn.
Plus, a person who is deprived of sexual pleasure, can easily fall prey to an abusive partner. (Oh yes, and this people DO NEED sex.)
A female partner has the same ‘potential’ to be abusive, and getting away with it, most of the time.
It’s not too difficult to see how many people struggle with finding a fulfilling (sexual) relationship, or even a prosperous date.
We (men and women) are all expected to know how to find a (sexual) partner, and to ultimately find him/her.
How many times didn’t I read on forums:
“Dude, go find yourself a girl the normal way!”
This exclamation is already accusatory, even though the other person has no real idea of the reasons why the other man would go to a prostitute.
If the guy wants to get laid, and the woman gives explicit consent, what’s wrong with that?
This raises another question…. To what extent does she have a free choice?…
But I’m going to talk about that later, for my post will become too elaborate and boring.

Hope you enjoy.

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