As an escort, I want my clients to respect me and to be kind and loving (at least at that moment).
But one mustn’t be hypocritical.
Respect is something that has to come from two sides, the client and the sex worker.
A reader, Andrew, wrote a rather harsh comment about how he felt disgusted about himself and about how prostitutes think of their clients as despicable lowlife.
From what I’ve understood he had visited an escort who clearly wanted to get rid of him, and who didn’t like the encounter at all.
Afterwards he felt ashamed, because he had the feeling he had used these women’s bodies.
I want to tell him (and other punters) that no sex worker is the same.
Some may look down on their clients, while others will cherish them.
I’m not that woman who looks down on her clients.
I open myself up to sell sex, so why should I ‘blame’ my clients?
On the contrary, I have more far respect for men who are willing to pay a prostitute than for men who tries to play a woman with liquor to get between her legs.
I think that’s utterly disgusting behavior.
And remember, a bottle of strong liquor is expensive too, and perhaps the experience itself will be deplorable. One, she will probably be too drunk to give a well-considered consent and two, the action from her side won’t be of great quality. Drunk people aren’t good in bed, even though they feel like it.
On the other side, you can spend an awful lot of money, hoping she will give some (physical) affection. Well, if she doesn’t, then you’re screwed.
But anyway, I digress, again (yes, I have that bad habit).
I think that the women who have such a low opinion of their clients shouldn’t be doing this profession.
Okay, for many it’s not easy (rather impossible) to leave, for lots of women are doing this work purely due to financial (and emotional?) needs.
But it’s also my opinion that many sex providers have internalized a very negative notion of prostitution. Prostitution is bad, and so are the clients.
I can imagine it’s very difficult then, to empathize with the punters, and to be kind and caring.
And as I said to Andrew, an important part of our job consists of performing and acting.
BUT I’ve also said that in my case, it depends on the client, whether there is a ‘connection’ are not.
I’d like the place the ‘level’ of acting on a continuum, starting from ‘no acting’ to ‘everything is just a play’.
Yesterday for instance I had a crappy day.
(probably because I couldn’t get rid of A., who is still occupying my mind)
I was totally NOT in the mood to meet my client, but I didn’t want to cancel the arrangement, since it would be rude towards him.
He is a regular, and he’s a very nice man.
It’s odd, but we’ve never had sex.
He just likes to cuddle and caress me, and to have light-hearted conversations.
I just couldn’t refuse him.
The first hour of our meeting (He asked for a meeting of three hours), it was just a matter of bare acting. I couldn’t ‘find’ the connection I had for him before.
Fortunately, after that hour I finally opened up.
My inconvenient tension disappeared, and the rest of the encounter was fun and relaxed. I was very happy it turned out that way.
That’s something I also want to point out.
Sex workers don’t have the easiest lives.
We have to lie and to make up stories to stay hidden from the outside, for we would face a huge stigma if we were honest.
That bothers me and makes me feel weary sometimes, altogether with the other bullshit (sorry for the language) sex workers have to face.
And we can’t complain about these issues with others, and certainly not with clients. We are supposed to be fun, naughty, light-hearted and seductive, and certainly not to be grumpy philosophical thinkers.
A complaining and whining woman is simply not attractive, and attraction is very essential in our field.
So yes, many sex workers ‘perform’ to certain extend.
In my eyes, sex workers are adult performers.
The difference is that the public only consists of one or two people.
Sometimes I put on a show, but most of the time I have the privilege to naturally sense my one-man public.
Another difficult issue is to esteem to what extend she is forced (not only literally, but f.ex. due to financial needs or drug addiction) and to what extend she loves what she does.
One can’t know for sure of course, but there are non-verbal cues enough to notice, unless she’s a really good actress.
In my case, I have to privilege to not always depend on my acting skills, but on my inner sensuality 🙂