On being absolutely…blog recommendation

In this blog post, I’m not going to write about sex and sex work, since my interests aren’t limited to these areas.
About a year ago, I discovered the blog of Eunice Leong-Tan;
“Elegant Woman: Timeless Grace and Poise for the everyday woman.”
The blog tries to give an answer to this question; “How to be elegant?” It’s a fun, interesting and sophisticated blog.
The author writes about her quest to female elegance and how to become a lady. Even though her blog is only a personal diary, I already learned a lot of it.
In her opinion, elegance isn’t only a matter of appearance and manners, but also a matter of your inner spirit.
How one looks at life can make a huge difference in how you behave (towards others), how attractive you are, how you attract people etc….
For instance, if you’re a confident person, people are more likely to approach you. If you’re kind to others, they will give you kindness too.
I know this sounds cliché, but I think Eunice writes truthful and helpful articles. Most of her writings are based of this very important value in life, that people tend to forget about sometimes: Kindness. Whether she writes about organizing parties, meeting very important people, entering into a discussing, making contact…
Always be kind! The blog isn’t a sort of ‘manual’, rather a personal diary, but more than a few things I picked up, and I incorporated these aspects into my life.
I can’t go through the whole blog, since my article will become very long and boring, and because I didn’t read the whole blog myself.
But I can give you a quick introduction by giving you some tips from the ‘Easy Elegant Tips’ – page on Eunice’s blog.
It doesn’t contain an abundance of words, but clear, quick suggestions:
Smiling for instance. It’s very easy and it takes no effort.
While walking in the streets or joining a company, I wasn’t used to pay attention to my facial expressions, which is a pity, since I have a nice face.
And I know it sounds as if I’m bragging. But I’m unfortunately not blessed with the body of a Victoria’s Secret model, (thin legs, tiny waist and relatively large breasts) So, I have to flaunt these body parts I’m proud of 😉 I’m sorry, I digress.
A second aspect I incorporated into my lifestyle, is the advice on shopping behaviour.
Don’t go for quantity, choose quality.
In the past, it happened I came home with lots of bad bargains whereupon I was complaining about my own stupidity. (which is, af course, even more stupid).
Since then, I’m trying to save my money to buy things I really need or that I really think is beautiful. Up to now, this strategy seems te work.
Another very important thing: Posture. I really had a horrible posture in the past and it ruined all my efforts to look beautiful and attractive.
I still have to work on it a lot, because a nice, graceful posture doesn’t come naturally to me. Maybe I’m going to look after corrective shoulder braces, because I keep having problems with that. And of course, being attractive is a very important aspect of my job 😉
Fourthly, advice that does come naturally to me; Learn how to cultivate an eye for beauty. Beauty, of course, is a very subjective given.
I, for instance, can really enjoy beautiful music, most of the time film music. Sometimes I really lose myself in music, and when someone comes bothering me, I have to admit I can be very bad-tempered. Talking about music and movies is one of my favourite activities, since I like to learn about new songs and movies.
Oh, and I like to play the piano too. I’m thinking of taking lessons again in the future. My piano playing is far from bad, but it could become way better than it is now.
I’d like to play more difficult and sophisticated songs.
Another aspect I can relate to, is education. Now, I have to admit I haven’t always been the most brilliant and devoted student, but I’m a very curious person who actually loves to learn. But some of the things I like to learn aren’t in my curriculum, f.ex. how to be seductive and elegant, how to have better sex…
Right now I’m giving myself supplementary training on English, by reading English blogs and books.
Sixth, I like to travel and the explore foreign cultures. I’m only a student, so that means I’m not that rich (yet?), so I can’t afford to travel to foreign countries a lot. Hopefully things will change. 😦
And last, but not least, try to have an elegant mind. This is maybe not an easy-to-do suggestion. But this aspect is actually the base of being elegant. Try to love yourself and others and try to acknowledge the good and less good of situations and of people. That’s what I’m trying to do.
For instance, I try not to judge people at first sight. Even though I have an unusual job, I have prejudices, just like most people. My prejudices maybe go in another direction. But still, I have them. I also try to be interested in others, and most of the time, I succeed, except when I’m bad-tempered and self-centered.
So, I’ve given you a small insight. The only small thing I don’t agree with, is the ‘God and Bible’ thing. I’m sorry Eunice, but I’m far from religious. But I admire Eunice, because she strives for becoming better at herself. To her, that means becoming elegant, in all senses of the concept ‘elegant’.
So please, overcome your hate and prejudices, and learn from the events that cross your path of life! And that’s my only advice.

Clients and prostitutes

I can only talk about my experience. And my experience has been positive, at large.

Maybe it’s because of my way of advertising, but my clients have always been polite.
I offer a GFE, and the texts on my ads are always playful, but never explicit. (except for my rules on hygiene and on the demands I’m willing to grant).

Also, I’ve always had a chance to ‘screen’ my clients. I arrange all my appointments through e-mail, and if a man doesn’t answer in a respectful way, no way I’m going to meet him!
It never happened to me that a client called me names, or didn’t want to use the condom.
I have to say, I’ve been very lucky up to now.

Luckily, I have the chance to turn down disrespectful clients, but I’m aware of sex workers who are in situation where they can’t refuse. F.ex. if you’re forced, out of financial necessity, if you are threatened by other people….

A decent man with a bit of common sense will respect the rules I set up, but I realize there will be a future client who won’t be that decent.  I have no idea when this will happen, and somehow I hope it won’t happen to me, ever.
But I’m not in a position to assume that.

If a tall man doesn’t treat me kindly and doesn’t respect my rules of sexual hygiene,  the only thing I can do is to keep cool and go to the doctor as quick as possible.
And fortunately , I’ve met some people (health professionals) I can trust.

I think a lot of clients have wrong assumptions about prostitutes.
I have had a date recently, with a man who didn’t dare to take any sexual initiative.
He asked me if I had been misused, If I was forced to do this work.
I explained to him I really like sex work, and that no one forced me to do this.
Having a nice talk was actually the only thing that happened during that date, but obviously, he came to like me. He has made a new appointment, and I’m looking forward to it…

Another problem is a lot of clients tend to think sex workers don’t care for their bodies and health. And, apparently, some clients don’t care about their own health either.
It never happened to me, but some clients try to convince prostitutes to have sex without protection by offering more money. And if you really need the money…you are an easy victim.

Yes… I know… You all know about this probably.
Everyone knows about abuse, and the serious sex workers take each time.

But not everyone agrees when it comes to solutions.
Some want more regulation of sex work, some want to prohibit any form of prostitution, some want to see the clients being arrested….

Here is what I think. Prohibition and abolition never worked to solve a problem.

Take the binge drinking problem, f. ex.
– By enforcing total denial from the ‘forbidden fruit’, one is prone to take even more risks, certainly when it comes to sex, drugs, and alcohol.
– One is ashamed of talking about sex, and has unprotected sex. (peer pressure plays an important role, also)
– One isn’t allowed to drink. He or she plans to drink with friends in the basement, when the parents aren’t home.  While they aren’t allowed to drink, teenagers tend to drink as much as they can, because maybe there won’t be a next time. And that’s how serious accidents can happen, right?

Well, the same goes for sex. Whether it’s in a more common context, between two lovers, or between a prostitute and a client. In both cases, consents have to be made.
As soon as shame and the lack of assertiveness have the upper hand, things can become unpleasant, for both parties. With abolition and prohibition, governments are forcing sex workers to live an even more hidden life, and the consequences are that these people have very little chance to speak up for themselves.

It’s also my opinion it’s ridiculous to abolish and prohibit sex work, for sex work has its roots in sex itself. People have been trading sex since time immemorial.  F.ex. “Do you want some more food, spread your legs for me then.”

The difference is that women can use sex nowadays more as a form of manipulation and power, since the pill and condom were invented about 50 years ago. (the condom does exist much longer, I know).

So, if one wants to abolish sex work, then he also must abolish sex. And  that’s not going to happen. The best thing to do, is to strive for a more humane image and situation for practicing prostitution.

And Yes, some sex workers are victims of trafficking, some sex workers are drug addicts, some sex workers are abused, I can’t deny that! But the image that the media and society are giving to sex work is very blunt, monotonous, and narrow.
And that’s how normal folks judge the erotica business; very unfounded, based on assumptions and the negative issues they hear in the media.

And I hope to shed a light with writing my blog.
I want to shed light in a dark corner. 🙂

Education, services and information for and by sex workers

I live in a tiny western European country where prostitution is neither legal nor illegal, but condoned.
I can count myself lucky to have found an organisation, named Ghapro where I can go to, if I get into trouble
The organisation helps me to get my medical checkups, and I can go to the doctor, anonymously. (which was a huge relief to me)
My work name and my birthdate are the only data they need to know and they’re extremely friendly.
Judging is not their job, giving medical and social support is.
But even in the region where I live, services are inadequate.
Most sex workers don’t even know this organization does exist.
That makes them vulnerable, because a normal doctor won’t test the patient that utterly, not to mention how precarious a situation can be, if you have to tell a ‘normal’ doctor you’re a sex worker.
That’s why I think sharing information is so important.
When I found blogs of prostitutes and escorts, f.ex. the blog of Maggie McNeill ( https://maggiemcneill.wordpress.com/), I felt happy because “I wasn’t the only one with ‘weird’ interests”.
Some people, who’ve been in prostitution for years, can offer me great amount of information. (F.ex. the Do and Don’ts in prostitution)
For I haven’t been working as a prostitute for that long, I use this information to improve the quality of my work.
Towards the outsiders, it’s also important to educate them, so that false prejudices and assumptions will be reduced.
I know this sounds very utopian, but I think it’s the only way to possibly improve the quality of a sex worker’s life (and that of the clients too).
I also want to say something about the nature of prostitution.
In my utopian world, sex work has to be limited to only those people who are really suitable for this kind of work.
Sex work is NOT an easy job. It’s not just spreading your legs and receive a man. It’s also about setting up your own ads, websites, manage your clientage etc, finding and reserve rendezvous hotels etc…
Prostitution is not one branch, ‘the prostitute’ doesn’t exist. There are call girls, window prostitutes, street prostitutes, the very high-paid courtesans….
They are all people who do this job for different reasons.
But when I think logically, good quality can only be obtained by people who do this out of free will, and even better, who do this because they love it.
With this, I don’t say one form of prostitution (f.ex. call girl) is better than another (f.ex. window prostitution).
I want to say that for every demand, there can be a supply (most of the time), given by a women (or man) who is willing to do that.
Now, I recently joined a sex workers collective.
I’m probably not going to meet this people, but information about legislature and developments are shared through mail.
Not everyone can join this collective (http://www.sexworkeurope.org/), you have to go through a nomination procedure, before getting access to the mail.Two current members have to approve you. This nomination process is set up to improve our privacy.
And I have to say it again, by searching through blogs, one can find very ‘unusual’ information about persons you’re not going to meet in real life. ( f.ex. prostitutes, pornstars, ex-sex workers, people who’ve had good AND bad experiences).
So, if you want to start a blog yourself, I’m certainly not going to stop you! But I strongly advise you to take security and privacy measures.

Advice for clients

Dear readers,
I don’t know who you are. Maybe you are outsiders, maybe sex workers, maybe clients.
If you are a client, I will give you personal advice.
A first word on my advice; I can only tell you what I’ve learned so far, but probably this article will be extended.
– How should you look for a Good Girl.
Trust your intuition; look for websites and ads that show some quality.
That means;
– Are the pictures real? If you see pictures that are adapted too much, so much as if it seems you’re looking at a plastic doll, don’t react to the advertisement.
– Who do you have to call? Some ads recommend to call a certain number. Off course, you can’t know for sure. But it happens that it’s a guy you have to call. Then you have to question yourself? Is she really doing it out of free will?
– Look for independent women. This, you can’t know for sure either. But you can look for a website, and how it’s made up. How does she introduce herself? Are there clear rules when it comes to making appointments, personal hygiene, locations, dates?
– If you have some common sense, don’t accept any offer that involves bare sex ( sex without protection)! You can ask yourself how much she cares about her own body and health, and most sex workers care about their health. This cases imply often compulsion from a third person…
How to come to the appointment;
– Women are very happy if you bother about hygiene and appearance. You don’t have to try hard that much. A simple shower and a light fragrance can do a lot. I’m always very pleased if a client took a shower before, and cleaned his penis. If not, I let my client take a shower in my company.
– Clean your hands! You’re going to touch to post sensitive and vulnerable parts of a women’s body.
Having dirty hands can cause infection, in the worst case.
-In line of the previous point; Cut your fingernails.
I knew clients who tried to please me by fingering me.
It would have been a nice experience, If they cut their fingernails!
– It’s very unpolite to not show up. A quick call is enough. Just let the person know if you won’t appear!!
– As an independent escort with activities outside my work, I like to plan my appointments beforehand.
So, if you want to meet me within an hour, then you have very little chance I will agree.
An escort with a strict scheme needs to plan her appointments, so if you make an appointment, fix a date, a specific time and location with her.
– Make only an appointment if you’re sure you won’t be bothered!
There’s nothing more tedious than your boss calling you while having sex!
(which happenend to my first client)
The appointment itself;
– settle the financial transactions before you ‘start’ with the actual ‘acts’.
Give her the money, put your wallet deep in your jacket or other safe place ( you probably heard of escort thieves.)
– Lot of clients are nervous, or have to hurry before the appointment.
Well, that can happen to everybody.
Ask if you can shower first , or to wash yourself a bit.
If you don’t trust her (but I hope you actually can), ask her to accompany you under the shower or in the bathroom, so you don’t have to be afraid she’s taking your money. Personally, I like to wash my clients myself, to build up an erotic tension.
– Try not to feel insecure. As a sex worker, we meet all kinds of men. Older men, young men, thin men, heavier men….
We meet men with different levels of experience.
It’s a sex worker’s job to bring experience to you, to make you comfortable, and to give you sexual excitement.
As long as you respect her (or him), there’s no reason to feel insecure.
If you’re a regular client of a specific sex worker, you’re probably going to feel more comfortable, which gives you the chance to be more open.
If you’re not a regular customer, mind that it’s our JOB to make you feel comfortable and sexually excited.
don’ts!
– Don’t ask for bare sex (without condom).
If you have some common sense, you know this question should be out of order!
– don’t cross her borders!
It’s very disrespectful to sex workers, and to women in general!
If you cross the borders, you ARE actually abusing her, because there is no consent anymore!
If you want to experience more extreme things, go find another professional.
There are women out there who are willing to perform extremer acts.
– Don’t ‘cheap’ a girl on her rate. I think that’s VERY disrespectful!
We’re not selling pens or trivial souvenirs, we’re selling sex.
Prostitutes are not ‘things’ you bargain over.
If her rate is too high – just don’t see her. Find a girl who’s rates are within your acceptable limits and schedule with her. Tip her well.
I’m always happy when that happens 😉